5 Tips for Supporting Your Partner Through Labor
- Sarah Higgs
- Jul 20, 2018
- 3 min read
Often times when we are hired by couples, the partner of the birthing person tends to feel confused or unsure of their role in the labor and birthing process. Partners often times take a back seat in the birth, when they are in fact the keepers of space.
The partner knows the birthing person inside and out, they know facial expressions, reactions to certain emotions, and they know the birth wishes more than anyone else, so why would they take a back seat? It's time for the birthing partner to stand up and take charge of the birth! Here are a few tips for our clients and their birthing partners:
1. Stand Up!! Your partner is in another dimension, some call it labor-land. Hormones are surging through their body like they never have before, Your partner is in a rhythm, a rhythm that should not be broken, so you are her voice. Speak up when she is too focused on bringing your baby earth side. Ask questions when a caregiver suggests something you are not sure of. Stand up for not only her birth wishes if they are being steered away, but also stand up when you see your birthing partner becoming tense or uncomfortable with the birthing environment. You know her best, protect your space.
2. Take everything she says with a grain of salt. It is extremely common for birthing people to react quickly and bluntly in labor. The foot massage that worked for her in early labor, may no longer work in late labor and she may tell you swiftly to stop. While the birthing person is in her other dimension of labor land, she also may react to you speaking, or anyone speaking for that matter. Unnecessary noise may throw her off her rhythm, so when you're talking through a contraction and she tells you to shut up, take it, and move on.
3. Be present prenatally. We go through the stages of labor with our clients prenatally. What to look for at certain stages, what type of comfort techniques work best in each of those stages etc.. We speak about the hormones necessary in labor - and if you are actively listening through that - you will better support your partner. We teach comfort positions and birthing positions to all our couples prenatally as well, and although we do not expect you to remember each one, you will pick up on them much quicker if we suggest a position change, or start the movements and empower you to take over. You will feel more confident not only in supporting your partner, but in taking charge of the birth!
4. Learn to time contractions so your partner doesn't have to! Something as simple as this can change so much about a birth experience. If your birthing person has to constantly look at a clock and concentrate on the time through and between contractions it can make the labor feel longer for her. If labor isn't progressing as fast as she thought it would, it may also be a source or worry and disappointment to her. The only thing she should be focusing on, is staying in her labor land, and trying to focus on the clock is not possible in her altered state. By having your own method of timing contractions, or downloading a contraction timer app, you can better keep track of her progress while empowering her to focus only on her body and baby.
5. Be her rock postpartum. The fourth trimester can be hard. Between getting used to a baby, constant feeding, little sleep, and overall recovery from birth - mom's have a lot on their plate. Make sure she has as little to do other than that. And it can be simple things, especially if you have to return to work soon after the birth. Make sure diapers and wipes are close to her at all times. Make sure her water is filled. Pre-make some easy snacks for her that she can access at any time. If she feels emotional, simply be a shoulder she feels she can release the emotion on. Give her a small shoulder massage when she is nursing, or a foot rub while you sit down for dinner. Make sure animals are fed, and tidying up is done for her. Call for extra support if it's needed! Leave her a loving note before leaving to work. Small actions can make a large impact.
We feel the partners have such a larger role in the birth and postpartum than what is currently the norm. The partner truly is the charge and protector of birth. So take that charge an become informed so you can be the best support person for your partner and new baby!
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